BOC and Satan????

[ROBERT SEDLER]

ATTENTION: The following story IS true, but is intended to be
SARCASTIC and HUMOROUS. No flames are necessary, I'll do it myself.

I was hangin' around the other day kickin' out some serious jams to
BOC's T&M album, and something that I had completely forgotten about
came rushing back to me like an angry grandmother at a customer
service desk. When I was younger (weren't we all?), it seems like just
because I was "young & stoopid" I would always take heat from people
about how that "satanic" music I listened to was putting my immortal
soul in Jeopardy ( I usually picture Alex Trebek as the Grim Reaper
here) and how I was going to "crackle and burn like spittle in a deep
fryer" for listening to evil bands like Blue Oyster Cult.

I remember being fresh out of high school, pimply-faced and full of an
almost inexhaustible energy, and working at a local Burger King (low
wages and all the cold fries ya can eat!). My boss, the store manager,
was one of these guys who I'm sure EVERYBODY knows. He was one of
these guys who was once into some serious drugs, but had kicked the
habit because hang-ups and crutches are evil, and was now hung up on
Religion. He had basically traded in his bong and straw on a cross
(meet the new boss, same as the old boss). He used to let me listen to
Blue Oyster Cult at work ONLY if he could, in return, preach to me
the "evils" of the music I was listening to. I figgered I'd let him so
I could jam at work, and so I could argue with the boss. Well needless
to say, he pestered me every chance he got, and I gave it to him right
back. He used to tell me about how Tyranny & Mutation was BOC's most
popular album because Satan was alive in the music marketing world and
was using all his power to get this album into everyone's home.

Wow! I know BOC's management has gone downhill like a cannon ball on
ice but I didn't know they used to have such a "player" working for
them! No wonder they aren't as popular anymore now that the "The
Beelzebub Marketing services" contract has run out. I'm surprised
Satan didn't just bestow on Eric an amazing guitar playing ability!!!
I remember giving it back to him one night and asking him if he though
maybe Eric Bloom WAS Satan. He said that he probably was, and as I
looked deep into his eyes and the twisting, swirling vortex of his
mind, I knew he really believed it too. He also said that there was an
image of Satan inside the Eagles Hotel California album and that Satan
(Who I'm sure everyone knows has a beautiful singing voice, all fallen
angels do ya know) had sung some background vocals on the album. I ask
you this; What kind of POWER and INFLUENCE to people have to have in
the music world to get Satan to lay down backing vocal tracks on an
album? Now THAT is some serious clout!!!!

Well the point of this whole deal is that I am older now and no longer
encounter this. On the other hand, people now CONSTANTLY badger me and
ask me why I have never OUTGROWN my music. So I look them straight in
the eye and tell them that Satan's power over me from listening to
Tyranny & Mutation so many times is SO STRONG that I am cursed to
listen to this music FOREVER now. And as much as I scream and panic in
my mind and try to break away so that I can listen to "adult" music
like Michael Bolton and Whitney Houston, my soul can never be freed of
it and I am cursed forever. I usually throw in a "please, help me"
with a single tear rolling down my cheek to put a point on it. Is it
any wonder why the people I work with think I am a wee bit nutz?

The moral of this story is: Don't try and change me or play with head,
because I play back.

Thanks for listening fellow BOC fans!

Torgo
robert.sedler at nor.mkl.com

AGAIN: This silly little story is intended to be HUMOROUS and
SARCASTIC and is by no means putting down Religious people, only a
couple of 'em who live near me. You probably don't know them anyway.