Off:Legal "Matters"

[DFrost8547 at AOL.COM]

The ever thoughtful Ed Stasium was kind enough to pass along the following
info... now we won't git a ticket while touring any a' these locales! And
neither will you...



AMERICAN SEX LAWS CURRENTLY ON THE BOOKS
____________________________________________________

* In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it's illegal for
  a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

* It's against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to
  curse during sex.

* In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while
  hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

* No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of
  garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria,
  Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must
  brush his teeth.

* Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't
  allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in
  bed with you- or holding you in his arms.

* Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between
  members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after
  sundown- if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks,
  you're safe from the law!)

* In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required
  to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two
  feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And
  it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

* The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to
  provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No
  couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the
  nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of
  these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

* An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples
  from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat
  freezer!

* A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be
  called master, not mister, when addressed by their female
  counterparts.

* In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can't go out without wearing a
  corset. (There was a civil-service job- for men only- called a
  corset inspector.)

* However, in Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from
  wearing corsets because "the privilege of admiring the
  curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be
  denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

     The "Show-me" state :-)

* It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho.
  Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the
  window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking
  place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and
  wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to
  investigate.

* Another law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can't
  dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at
  least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

* Lovers in Liberty Corner, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying
  their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally
  sounds while they are frolicking behind the wheel, the couple
  can face a jail term.

* In Carlsbad, New Mexico, it's legal for couples to have sex in
  a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work, as long as
  the car or van has drawn curtains to stop strangers from
  peeking in.

* A Florida sex law: If you're a single, divorced, or widowed
  woman,   you can't parachute on Sunday afternoons.

* Women aren't allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland,
  Ohio- a man might see the reflection of something "he
  oughtn't!"

* No woman may have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance
  within the boundaries of Tremonton, Utah. If caught, the woman
  can be charged with a sexual misdemeanor and "her name is to be
  published in the local newspaper." The man isn't charged nor is
  his name revealed.