OFF: Country Music

[Mike Parkington]

----------
From:   Buddy Kadri[SMTP:alk at tadpole.co.uk]
Sent:   Friday, October 04, 1996 10:40
To:     mdp at tadpole.co.uk
Subject:        Country Music
I appologise If y'all have received this before, but for those who haven't, here it is:

For all you country music buffs ...

The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (These are *real*)
     Compiled By: Bill Atchley (atchley at coltrane.gnets.ncsu.edu

     Do You Love As Good As You Look
     Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
     Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
     Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
     Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind
     Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
     Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
     Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
     How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?
     How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
     How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been
 A
     Liar All My Life?
     I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
     I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
     I Don't Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All Over You)
     I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
     I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
     I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It
     I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
     I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
     I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine
     I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car
      Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
     I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
     I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Yew
     I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
     I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)
     I Meant Every Word That He Said
     I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
     I Wanna Whip Your Cow
     I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town
     I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
     I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
     I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win
     I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
     I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him
     I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
     I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue
     I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
     I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The
      Afternoon
     I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
     I'm Not Married But The Wife Is
     I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
     I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
     I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
     I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat
     I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time
     I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I
      Cry Over You
     I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare
      Line
     If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me, Her Memory Will
     If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
     If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
     If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
     If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
     If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?
     If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
     If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
     If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick,I'll Fall In Love
     If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long
     If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
     If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure
     If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)
     If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
     If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
     It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad
     It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me
     It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long
     Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me
     Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
     May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
     My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
     My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was
      Breaking My Heart
     My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
     Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down,
      But Baby I Can See Through You
     Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way
     Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed
     Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
     Please Bypass This Heart
     She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
     She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
     She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
     She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
     She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
     She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without.
     Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love
     Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You
     Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
     The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
     There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal
     They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin'
      Out
     Touch Me With More Than Your Hands
     Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
     What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)
     When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)
     When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
     Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
     You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play
     You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
     You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
     You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me
     You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
     You're A Cross I Can't Bear
     You're Ruining My Bad Reputation
     You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly