OFF: Snow

[M Holmes]

Well, there was easily a snowflake's thick covering of snow on the hills
of Edinburgh this morning and a wind coming straight from Santa's place.

I'm expecting the usual headline in the UK any day now:



"Snow in Winter Shock: Country Grinds to a Halt!"

In an unprecedented storm of minimal proportions some of the frozen
water known as "snow" fell in much of Britain today covering much of the
landscape in the white powder. This was accompanied by a drop in
temperatures to as low as freezing. Many reports are coming in of
drivers who've skidded of the road and there are hundreds of rear end
shunts. "You can't expect people to drive in this!" said one disgruntled
driver in Essex "It's nearly a millimetre thick."

Shop Stewards for the Gritters Union stated that they had called a
strike because their members couldn't possibly be expected to work in
these conditions.

Trains also ground to a halt. Spokesmen for the various rail companies
were unanimous that this was due to "the wrong sort of snow" and
demanded an urgent scientific investigation into why the stuff is
falling. "It seems to happen around this time every year" one irate rail
controller complained. "It's time the government banned it."

Not everyone was upset at the new phenomenon though. In Basingstoke,
hundreds of schoolchildren were sent home as the school heating
collapsed in the sub-arctic temperatures. "We're building a snowman"
said Billy, a seven year old computer scientist at Basingstoke Primary,
"I'm not giving an interview unless you get me a carrot for his nose."

Investigations have also confirmed that snow also fell on the island
where Princess Diana is buried. The Royals were asked to comment but
had all buggered of to Zermatt for another ski holiday.

Meanwhile the new government were walking across the frozen Thames in a
bid to emulate Prime Minister Blair's historic walk during the summer.

Finally, the weather outlook is for more snow and here's a picture of a
snowflake for those of you too stupid to figure out what that means.