OFF: MS litigation

[Paul Mather]

On Sun, 1 Jun 1997, Carl Edlund Anderson wrote:

> On lör 31 maj 1997 17.42 "Ron Jennings" <sprawl at STARLINX.COM> wrote:
> > curious, since MSIE is free, and seems to do what needs done, why use
> > anything else?
>
>     Well, I'm academic--so netscape is free--and Microsoft is, besides, and
> Instrument of Satan :)

Although they try their hardest to be agents of the Great Old Ones (see
below)... ;-)

Cheers,

Paul.

obCD: Govt. Mule, _Govt. Mule_

e-mail: paul at csgrad.cs.vt.edu                    A stranger in a strange land.

----- Begin forwarded message -----
From: surfbaud at NO-SPAM.waverider.co.uk Tue Mar 11 13:52:46 EST 1997

This is original from me. It was originally an answer I wrote for the
Internet Oracle - I've reworked it as a standalone.

* * *

To:  Microsoft Lawyers, Inc.
From: Azathoth, Nyarlathotep and Hastur, Elder Attorneys.

Sirs:

Our agents among the mortal herd have brought to Our attention
your recent product entitled Windows '95. Therefore We now give
you statutory notice of intent of proceedings to be taken against
Microsoft by the Many-Angled Ones.

With this suit We will show that Windows '95, and to a lesser
extent all of the Microsoft range of products, infringe upon the
recognised "look-and-feel" of the Elder Gods, for the following
reasons:

o   Windows '95 is a crawling abomination from the darkest
    pits of Hell;

o   No man can be in it's presence for too long without being
    driven into gibbering insanity;

o   A cult who worship it exist in secret amongst the mortal
    herd;

o   Those who associate with it for too long develop common
    physical characteristics, to wit: pale, clammy skin, bulging
    eyes, generally unkempt physical appearance, tendency
    towards nocturnal living, change in diet to that which normal
    men do not eat (in your case tacos, burgers and Jolt Coke;
    in Ours, human flesh, Fungi of Yuggoth and the blood of Alien
    Gods);

o   Mysterious tomes that purport to explain this phenomenon are
    reputed to exist; they are bound in an unnatural substance
    and only available at a terrible cost to the user.

o   The Microsoft range of products seek to utterly dominate
    the world, and force all who dwell there to live in eternal
    damnation.

As you can see, Our case is very strong, especially when
you consider that most judges prefer not to have chittering
things with tentacles for faces scoop out their brains and
eat them.

We hope that you will consider these points carefully and settle
out of court, since it is not Our intention to have your senior
partners spend the rest of their mercifully short lives under
heavy sedation in a maximum security psychiatric hospital. After
all, it was the Lords of the Outer Planes who gave humanity
lawyers in the first place.

Respectfully yours,

<Oddly disturbing squiggle in some sort of ichor>

pp. J. Arthur Hastur, LL.B., B.C.L, B.D

* * *
Dave 1997

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