OFF: cows

[M Holmes]

The Brit addendum:


THE EU: The government nationalises both cows and puts them in with
everyone else's cows.  The cow industry goes bankrupt after French
milkmaids figure out how to set fire to milk.  The government takes your
money to finance the new cowshit industry.  It takes more money to
support the price of cowshit in the marketplace.  It takes more of your
money to store price supported cowshit in huge barns in France.  At
Christmas the government sends everyone some cowshit for free.

OLD LABOUR: The government nationalises your cows and gives them to the
unions. The unions organise a strike by milkmaids and the cow industry
goes bankrupt. The government takes your money and gives it to the
unions to make shoes out of the cows. The country is knee deep in left
shoes and the price of right shoes goes through the roof. The government
bans the import of right shoes in order to punish currency speculators.
Industry collapses as everyone tries to hop to work. The government
takes more of your funds to sponsor the National Health Service through
the ankle sprain epidemic. The nurses go on strike. The government collapses.

NEW LABOUR: The government sets up a scheme to let you swap a cow for a
bull.  You have your bull service your cow and a single mother reports
your bull to the CSA.  The government takes your money and gives it to a
single mother.  The resulting calf has BSE.  The government sets fire to
your cow and tries to sell the calf to the Germans. The government sets
up an education scheme for mad cows and your bull has to be in by 7pm
doing homework. National bullshit production rockets.

THE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS: They take one of your cows and try to sell it to
the New Labour Party. They demand a Royal Commission on whether cows
should eat grass.

THE GREEN PARTY: They canvass your cows and then disappear mysteriously.
Both your cows die when a tunnel collapses under them revealing where
the Greens went.

THE CONSERVATIVES: They buy your cows with taxpayers money and give you
cow shares which you promptly sell at an inflated profit. They feed your
cows hamburgers. Your cows climb trees believing they're squirrels.
The government takes your money and gives it to farmers.  An epidemic
of people being flattened by falling squirrels is discovered by
scientists.  Farmers give the government money in brown paper envelopes
to tell Parliament that the British Squirrel is Safe.