OFF: John Swartz you're gonna love it!

[BREVARD, Adrian R.]

Got this from a friend.
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> The Life and Art of Bass Playing
> by Tony Levin
>
> In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a Precision,
> but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old ...
> definitely pre-C.B.S.
>
> And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was
> very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would
> later try.) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass.
>
> And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red,
> and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang
> through
> the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to
> be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his
> handiwork.
>
> Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it
> was funky.
>
> And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good.
>
> And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to
> practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set
> of
> chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a
> breeze through the heavens.
>
> And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He
> had
> created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture,
> which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased.  And He spoke
> to the man, saying "Don't do that!"
>
> Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new
> ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the
> heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion.
> (Some
> of the Angels started to dance, but that's another story.)
>
> And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And
> He
> spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I
> would
> have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
>
> And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But
> now
> he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the
> frets
> off of the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers
> upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And,
> in
> his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he
> played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the
> heavens
> rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.
>
> Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the
> man.
>
> And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall
> create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even
> think
> of."
>
> "And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall
> play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always
> stand next to the drummer."
>
> "You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to
> make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other
> instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than
> the bass."
>
> "And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the other
> musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes.
>
> And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow"
> but
> really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your
> solo career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your
> days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in
> like a thief in the night."
>
> "And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the
> bandstand and go to the bar for a drink."
>
> And it was so.
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Ghost in the Ruins
OBCD - Queensryche, Operation Mindcrime