OFF: HW + Foobal

[andrew]

Hi all,

Having its origins on a football website, this may seem like one of
those strangely inappropriate posts that people decide to forward to
the list but keep reading and i'm sure you will spot the relevance.


E-Mail Of The Day: Children! Avoid Alcohol!
After an exceptionally long and intense session of drinking fun
sponsored by Mr Bud Weiser and Uncle Merlot, I awoke with the certain
realisation that, next season, Arsenal are going to finish seventh. So
clear and unequivocal was this premonition that I immediately legged
it to the nearest bookmaker and placed a substantial wedge of moolah
on the fact.

Reasons for their impending failure? Without warning, and almost
overnight, the back four will become ordinary and make lots of
mistakes. It's going to happen sometime and Arsene Wenger has no
adequate replacements to introduce as soon as it does happen. The game
is littered with former great players who suddenly become awful. Ian
Rush comes to mind - finishes one season as a top striker, plays the
next like Albert Steptoe.

Without their superb defence, Arsenal are not equipped to score enough
goals to win enough games to be a championship threat. Nicolas Anelka
will go and, even if he doesn't, he's got to be more consistant and
contribute more to the game in general. Dennis Bergkamp will have
another moody, in-and-out season. Why he doesn't just drive to
overseas games or go on a bus, I can't imagine.

The midfield will be suspended for 20% of the season. Nwankwo Kanu is
their saving grace but next season, everyone knows what to expect and
he'll get his a*** kicked a little more by defenders. They'll still
play well, they'll still look good, just less and less often. They
have no strength in depth. In fact, they have very little depth -
strong or otherwise. Their demise will end with Wenger leaving and
going back to playing that SS Officer in war movies who does something
terrible with tweezers,salt and electricity

I'm sure this is all going to come true. This was a bonafide
premonition.

I also dreamed that Sunderland signed the whole of long defunct blues
band Savoy Brown as a new defence and had a large cooking pot in the
bar into which Hawkwind's dancer, Stacia, was placed, along with some
okra and, perhaps most remarkably, a pair of socks taken from the feet
of Samuel Taylor Coleridge. It was a hell of a night on the drink,
mind.
John Nicholson, North Yorkshire
Postman Pat! Is a twat!
Period Pains! We're insane!
- The Period Pains