BOC as part of "Python Prog Parody"

[Chuck Rosenberg]

Someone posted this on rec.music.progressive NG, should get a few laughs...
Chuck


Man walks into record shop.



Man: Good day stout yeoman, I'm looking for a number of record titles today.



Record Shop Assistant: You've come to the right place. We have the largest
selection of progressive compact discs in the district!



Man: Do you have "the Sage Investment of Mrs. Frankenstein's Castle" by the
Blue Ulster Cult?

RSA: Ah, no, but we DO have the "Siege and Investiture of Frankenstein's
Castle" by the Blue Oyster Cult.



Man: No, I want the "Sage Investment of Mrs. Frankenstein's Castle" by the
Blue Ulster Cult, the well known Belfast rock ensemble.


RSA: Ah, well, we don't have that one.


Man: Not to trouble yourself. How about "Hamburgerhelper Concerto" by
Fokkus.


RSA: You mean "Hamburger Concerto" by Focus, the well known Dutch rock
group?


Man: NO, I mean "Hamburgerhelper Concerto" by Fokkus. That's Fokkus with two
K's, the superb Finnish symphonic group. This one's the rare warmed over
version.


RSA: Well, in that case, we don't have it.


Man: Funny, you've got a lot of CDs here.


RSA: Finest in the district! But why don't you try Tower Records.

Man: I did, they sent me here. Ah, do you have.


RSA (becoming animated): Go ahead, try anything, we have an amazing
selection of CDs!

Man: Cobaia with a C?

RSA: No!

Man: "Return to the Center of Controversy" by Nick Hakeman?

RSA: NO!!




Man: How about "Me and the Perfect AuPair" by Kaeng Crimson? That's
K-A-E-N-G Crimson, the fabulously famous, Thai Rock Quartet.


RSA: Nawww oooo! We don't have that one. And perhaps to save time we don't
have anything by Crim Kungsun, the Korea duo, nor do we have Cds done by
Sing Sungphon Poo, the Tibetan prog group. AND WE are right OUT of Chin
Ringsee, the Hong Kong, avant-garde artist!

Man: Do you have.



RSA: NO, I'm sorry, we're closing now.

Man: Wait, wait. I saw it over there.



RSA: Wa---.

Man:  King Crimson. The Night Watch.

RSA: K-I-N-G C-R-I-M-S-O-N.

Man: Yes.

RSA: T-H-E N-I-G-H-T W-A-T-C-H.

Man: Yes.

RSA: Ah, in that case, we have it. Here's your CD, now buy it!



Man: The Expurgated Version.

RSA (exasperated surprise): The Expurgated version?

Man: Yes, that's the one without Bobby Fripp.

RSA (going ballistic): the one without Bobby Fripp, they've all got Bobby
Fripp, he's the brains behind King Crimson!

Man: Well, I don't like him. he...he isn't very animated on stage.



RSA collapses behind register in paroxysms of despair.

Man (meekly): I'll settle for the remastered version?




[Record Industry Statement: It has come to the attention of many of our
industry professionals that prog fans everywhere are mistreating staff by
their unreasonable requests. We sincerely doubt that many of your requests
actually exist. We are not really in the business of sending our people on
endless goosechases to find the "world's most obscure" items. We would ask
that you please refrain from persecuting staff. ]