HW: tales of the uneaten

Fri May 3 15:38:33 EDT 2002

Hi all,
It seems to be about time to pull this old chestnut of
a tale from my youth out of the vaults. Just go for a
big old helping off that massive mouth watering
roasted leg of lamb stuffed with all that fresh garlic
clove and parsley, or at least just pull yourself
together like a man of common royalty during this sort
of irritangly late easter season celebration.

"NOBODY CAN EAT SUPERMAN"
'a true Hawkwind autobigraphy from 1994 and 1995
served up like the kind of porkchop you only cook by
yourself'

...presenting my own story of women and drugs and rock
music and things like that as presented in the name of
jesus christ and the devil in two a part live action
expose...

'one dollar hot dog'

I just stuck my hand down her beautiful shaven crotch
when I undressed her and unbuckled her overalls and
said she was just a beautiful naked girl I had never
met. She had a Danzig skull tattoo over her ass. After
many adventures together we eventually wound up
spending alot of time together either just hanging out
together to get away from roomates and even getting
naked together after escaping a party or two we just
had to do it anyway. I loved licking her in the face,
sucking on her chin and her crazy old wart and just
cleaning her entire mouth with my tongue and digging
her missing tooth while fingering her ass from behind
as we fucked in intimate extatacy for hours on end to
not only satisfy myself but also to please my woman
during all those many long and draining hours we spent
screwing like that we became so dry in our mouths and
so comfortably fatigued that we sometimes suffered
together while laying together talking and touching
eacother in the secret campfire setting on the floor
of the trip room being so in love you think are so
engulfed in Krsna death and forever so deeply in love
you never think a human body was even made for such
intensely painful states of unbearable pleasure and
longing for closeness. Eventually we moved in together
and by that time she had dyed her hair black and
turned desperately macho, running around with some
kind of butch heavy metal attitude and stuff and I
figured she was  going through some kind of gothic
kind of obsession or even a crazy kind of insane hippy
phase wearing those stylih little flares I liked so
much, and seeing her getting fucked up on dope and
being really pissed off. I let her run loose at night
like some kind of crazy animal anyway if she really
thought she had to get out of the house or whatever
between our long and healthy sessions of Krsna
intercourse. I even sometimes tried to cook up
something light and for me and her with her being a
chicken vegetarian and everything making her little
tummy so much harder to please, I just wanted to make
to make my old honey happy again after all this time.
I eventually just gave her a silver Jormundgandr
serpent arm bracelet, seeing as she occasionally wore
a slave bracelet which she talked about once or twice
to me, and since she liked silver, and as I had always
too, I simply tried saying I still loved her as like
the day we first met, as if we had gotten older
together, keeping a Mjølne Thor's hammer for myself.
We had actually had a great time once tripping on
mescaline together and fucking in total ecstacy to
Hawkwind's "Electric Tepee" album on my bed during a
trip at our old house before we had moved in together,
and I wanted to commemorate the occasion as some kind
of ancient Hawkwind deadhead. I suppose I somehow own
a girl with a Danzig tattoo over her ass because I
still do anything for her sorry ass go-go dancing
heavy metal fallout biker casualty any time, and I
damn well do what I want to do with my old lady anyway
because own her sorry heroin loser ass until the day I
die in bed painfully spanking my sorry old Nazarene
warrior self to its final throes of death in Krsna
extacy as someting along those lines just to
commemorate my old lady.

'hundred dollar paella'

I had done Jenny only once because I had to. I almost
forced her after our pleasantly intimate and otherwise
memorable moments together and I didn't understand why
she was so afraid of me. She had even told me once
that she had been abused by an older cousin as a child
and I didn't understand what she was talking about.
She had scars all over her body from some kind of bone
operation as a child. It was just kind of weird. I
didn't even know she was a virgin until she told me
and then I thought if that should even matter to any
of us or then I guess she has to accept some kind of
fact that if she's so serious with me then she has to
at least say she is open to things. I'd never really
told her about Dorothea because it was weird to talk
about things like heavy metal or hardcore to a nice
little Swedish girl like Jenny. I just thought she was
some kind of weird new age earth spirit or something
like that inside because she was Swedish. She pretty
much knew I was some kind of crazy guy who had had
some kind of previous sexual affairs or had done alot
of crazy drugs or whatever she thought I was in her
different kind of world she came from. I was actually
a pretty hardcore psychopath inside in the company of
her friends. From the very start I had pretty much
said that if she hangs with me then she better take
some kind of message unless she is an idiot or
something. Sometimes she could look so damn stupid I
swore she was a little bit retarded or something.
Years later I just had pretty much already decided she
had to die in Buddhism because she was a liar to my
face about even remotely liking me as a person despite
her constant interest in e after I pretty much left
her thinking her some kind of crazy little idiot
trying to drive me insane, and because I already had
wanted to trash her anyway from day one because she
was some kind of stupid virgin cow at some point and a
just some kind of whore anyway in my presence, and
even though she was a sweet girl, she really just
asked me to die or something. So I did her once and
trashed her years later with an unstamped FedEx
envelope marked "LSD" containing all her completely
uninteresting and sickening little love letters. I had
been some kind of hippy for years anyway.

ObTape: AC/DC - The garage tapes 1976-1979

---
"A 'Bowie-Shag' is when you miss your vein."
- Dr. Crabstix, Nazi Deadhead Commando And Paramedic
Hippy Emergency General

"You can take the Beatle out of Uncle Charlie, but you
can't take Uncle Charlie out of The Beatles!"
- Bastard Ceremonial Proverb Of The Immortal
Blasphemers Of Sodom

"There remains nothing but juggernauting the
Apocalypse Übersoul through the constant avalanche of
dying bodies!"
- Tubrok The Alterer, Paramilitary Ascendant Archangel
Of Christ And Avenging Jehovah Of The Revalations

"I actually saw Motörhead play at least seven fucking
times, right, but I only remembered to bring my
fucking woman along just once!"
- The Cannibal Swinger, King Of Romania

"Mahatma please go die of AIDS or something, you are a
disgusting little man dreaming about the world like a
filthy little kike, you are so queer, you're a flaming
homosexual, you're a sissy, a liar and a thief. You'll
never die beautiful like a poet."
- an unknown little soldier in The Jehovahs Witnesses

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