reference in cool Onion article

[Jill Strobridge]

How come Wales gets to hide all these arcane lost rock-riff wonders? 
Wasn't the "recently-discovered-lost Jimmy-Hendrix-tape" <tongue firmly in 
cheek> a version of the Welsh National Anthem?    I mean I know Merlin 
nicked the Stonehenge Bluestones from there (at least I don't think he paid 
for them - somehow you get the impression that's not how magicians generally 
conduct their activities) and they've been the focus of a festival of some 
kind or another ever since but I was unaware that Wales was also the 
repository for vaults of ancient rock music.   Although if it's all stored 
in the mines the bluestones were taken from......   Now there would be a 
Thing.   The Music of the Stones.

Musingly
jill

==============================================
Jill Strobridge <jill.strobridge at blueyonder.co.uk>
==============================================
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Keith Henderson" <khenders64 at YAHOO.COM>
To: <BOC-L at LISTSERV.ISPNETINC.NET>
Sent: Monday, March 05, 2007 9:19 PM
Subject: BOC: reference in cool Onion article


          Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Retrieved From Secret 
Vault To Save Rock And Roll  www.theonion.com  March 5, 2007 | Issue 43.10
            GWYNEDD, WALES-Calling it the planet's last, best hope for 
saving rock music, the Guardians of the Protectorate of Rock announced 
Monday that they would take the extraordinary step of unleashing a 
never-before-heard Jimmy Page riff, hidden for decades in a mythic, 
impenetrable vault.




  Enlarge Image    Some speculate that this is the gate to the secret vault.


  "We who believe in the immortality of rock took a vow 30 years ago that we 
would never release this incredibly powerful force unless we faced a Day of 
Reckoning-and that day has come," said Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi, 
one of the chosen few who helped forge the Secret Vault to Save Rock and 
Roll, at a press conference in the Welsh highlands.

  "Just look at the pop charts, and you shall know I speak the truth."

  "Let's give rock and roll its fucking balls back," he added.

  The Guardians said recent developments in the music world, such as the 
unaccountable popularity of the Dixie Chicks and Sufjan Stevens, have 
created a "perfect storm of lameness" from which rock might never recover. 
While Iommi refused to say when the vault would be opened, hard rock sources 
believe it will take place just prior to next month's Fall Out Boy-Honda 
Civic tour, which many fear will suck the remaining lifeblood from all that 
still rocks.



  "Citizens of Rock, we refuse to stand idly by any longer," ZZ Top founder 
and Protectorate High Elder Billy Gibbons said. "When a puss like James 
Blunt is allowed to rule the airwaves, we must respond by exposing this 
monster riff, and blowing minds into the stratosphere."

  The Protectorate, devoted to the preservation of badass jams and 
blistering guitar solos, was reportedly formed in the 1970s during the rise 
of adult contemporary music. According to legend, the riff, played only once 
by Page and recorded on a special cobalt record, contains the raw power, 
mind-blowing skill, and unbridled passion of all the Guardians combined. 
Recently translated parchments from the era describe it as a soul-searing 
power-chord progression faintly resembling a cross between "Smoke On The 
Water" and "Living Loving Maid," but "basically defying all description."

  It is believed that, upon the riff's release, even those who claim that 
the genre is dead will have no choice but to pump their fists, bang their 
heads, and bow down to the gods of rock for all eternity.

  "May God have mercy on our souls for what we are going to set loose upon 
the world," proclaimed Queen guitarist Brian May, dressed in druidic robes 
and bathed in the rising blue smoke of a nearby fog machine. "Will it save 
rock or destroy mankind? We have no way of knowing-yet we have no other 
choice."

  Members of the Protectorate were each given only partial information about 
the location of the vault, which they were instructed to open in unison only 
in the event of a total Rockopalypse. While some believed the vault was 
buried in Boston, Chicago, Kansas, Europe, or Asia, others claimed it could 
be found in the Court of the Crimson King.

  However, after piecing together clues hidden in Yes album covers and Pink 
Floyd liner notes, rock historians now believe the riff is locked away deep 
beneath the Welsh countryside house known as Bron-Yr-Aur, at rock-grid 
coordinates SH735026. British weather satellites have also photographed an 
enormous cloud, shaped like a hybrid of an upside-down question mark and 
cross, forming above these exact coordinates.

  The vault's Key, regarded as too staggering a burden for any one man to 
bear, was divided in two parts, with half entrusted to Eddie Van Halen and 
half to David Lee Roth, shortly after Roth left the rock supergroup Van 
Halen. The two men, who have refused to work together for 20 years, recently 
announced plans for a historic reunion tour.

  "Before we shake Heaven and Earth with the vicious power of this riff, we 
of the High Council of Elders of the Guardians of the Protectorate of Rock 
ask you: Are you about to rock?"

  AC/DC guitarist Angus Young said. "If so, we salute you."

  When asked to comment on the possible dangers of using the riff, Sir Paul 
McCartney seemed surprised.

  "There's a secret vault to save rock and roll?" McCartney said. "This is 
the first I've heard of it."
  ----------------------------
  Hope you enjoyed this...Grakkl

  P.S.  I swear that's a Rodney Matthews' Diamond Head album cover.  :)






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