The Middle Earth Monitor

[M Holmes]

The Counsel of Rivendell today was disrupted by many hundreds of
protestors who'd travelled to boycott the proceedings. Reports are that
the main item on the Council agenda was The One Ring and a plan for the
crack Fellowship of the Ring to invade Mordor and destroy it.

"They can't destroy it" protested one dwarf "it's part of our heritage.
 This is nothing but institutional barbarism."

Protestors outside were similarly opposed to the rumoured plan. "Of
course Orcs are a bit aggressive in and around Mordor." one elf stated,
"It's just their culture."

Various single-issue groups had travelled large distances to attend the
protest, including a group campaigning for a disabled ramp over Cirith
Ungol. "The steps are totally unsuitable for our wheeled brethren"
complained a one-legged orc, "These people fought for their countries
and are entitled to take a more active part in their communities."

Meanwhile a large army of orcs which had recently been intercepted on
the plains outside Minas Tirith complained that their freedom to travel
had been abridged. "These human claims of aggression are utterly
unfounded" a spokesman said. "Sure, a few of us may have had one too
many pints of Foggy Bottom and gotten a bit excitable but we're just on
our way to see our favourite band play the Palace at Minas Tirith."

Our reporters can indeed confirm that a popular underground band is
playing there tomorrow: a band called Orcwind.